What it takes for a Wedding Cake

My, oh my, oh my. What I didn't know about what it takes for a wedding cake.  THIS is what it takes for a wedding cake:

1 day off + Saturday morning
1 patient husband
1 hell of a messy kitchen
8 lbs of butter
14 lbs of powdered sugar
4 lbs of shortening
2 lbs of raspberry preserves
1 qt heavy cream
2 lbs bittersweet chocolate
4 oz egg whites
2 oz food coloring
80 eggs
~2 cups (yes, cups) vanilla extract
~20 combined pounds of flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and all the other stuff that goes into a cake.
~2 years' worth of stress

And, folks, yes, two of the layers in the above picture are fake--styrofoam--at the bride's request. And thank God for that. The list above doesn't mention the ribbon, or the zip top bags, or the fake flowers, or the floral tape, or the cardboard rounds, or the cake drum, or the boxes for the sheet cakes I made for the actual serving, or the special-order baking pans, or the parchment paper, or the materials to make your own damask stencil... but you get the point.

This was my first wedding cake. Looking at these pictures, I can see little imperfections that I couldn't see while I was there in person. And neither could my husband. And we made sure to look at it from all angles, from near and far before we left. In fact, as we were pulling out of the parking lot to leave, I looked at these photos and made my husband turn around so I could go back in and try to fix them.... and then I got back inside, face-to-face with the cake, and could no longer see them.

I haven't heard from the bride, so I assume she's happy. Or just had much better things to do than call the amateur cake maker and bawl her out. Yeah. I'm gonna assume she's happy.

To be fair, I would not have used nearly as much butter, shortening, vanilla, and powdered sugar if I hadn't botched four batches of frosting--four!!--and had to scrape it off. Weather was not my friend (hot and humid), so it took me too long to realize that I needed to modify my traditional buttercream recipe. This resulted in a whole wasted sheet cake which is currently lurking in our fridge, mocking both my husband and I, who have psychological problems with the waste associated with just tossing it in the garbage. To top it off, it was the raspberry-filled one. I really don't like fruit-based fillings. Why couldn't it have been the chocolate ganache one I messed up? Wait, scratch that. This probably works in my favor. I'm less likely to chow down on the raspberry-filled one. My husband complained that it doesn't have a high enough cake-to-frosting ratio (all it got was a crumb coat of frosting before I realized that it just was not going to work), so then I just handed him the massive bowl of scraped-off frosting, and he created his own perfect cake-to-frosting ratio.

And then there was the problem of matching the color of the royal icing for damask print on the double layer... it was supposed to match the ribbon that the bride supplied. I used one whole bottle of burgundy gel food coloring, and it turned out far too grape-y. So then I called my mom, the artist, and asked her how to make maroon. Half an hour later, after endless mixing of red, blue, black, and a hint of yellow, I had something that wasn't quite a match, but it had to be close enough for government work--the frosting had reached a saturation point and the color was no longer changing. I figured it was ok anyway, because it needed to darken a couple shades to match the ribbon, and royal icing tends to darken as it dries.

So, I swallowed my nerves and piped the damask print, and then put it in the fridge. And to my horror, it darkened not just one or two shades as it dried, but more like five or six. It was no longer close to the brilliant burgundy of the ribbon. My heart was in my throat in full-fledged panic mode, but there was nothing I could do about it. I had only two hours before I had to leave for the wedding, and there was too much else to get done. I couldn't scrape it off, re-ice the cake, chill it, mix new icing, and re-pipe it in time. I just figured I could offer the bride a discount if she was angry.

But then, oh, then... in a crazy twist of fate, the buttercream frosting stained the burgundy ribbon once it was on the cake. I had expected some mild staining of the ribbon--it wasn't waxed, and a frosting that is entirely composed of fat and sugar tends to result in a staining grease. At first I panicked, and then I realized that the ribbon was now stained the exact same shade as the damask. It was like it was on purpose! As though I had planned it! The ribbon on one of the fake layers actually wasn't staining because the frosting had crusted too much, so I literally removed the offending ribbon and smeared my emergency repair frosting on it until it was uniformly stained, and then put it back on. Fortune favors the inventive, my friends.

I'm sure with practice, wedding cakes would be easier. I'm sure with a better-equipped kitchen with a fridge that can accommodate all the layers, things would be better. But I think I'm going to stay away from wedding cakes. I don't want the responsibility of so many hopes and dreams pinned to my shoulders. Yeah, so no more wedding cakes for me.

Oh, shoot.  Wait a minute... didn't I already offer one to my other friends for a wedding gift? Crap.


Maybe they'll be happy with cupcakes...

Mini Eclairs, or "what to do with all that leftover custard filling from Boston Cream Pie Cupcakes."

I am going to be sooooo sick now.

Why?

Because I've just demonstrated an epic lack of self control by stuffing my face with mini eclairs.

Yes, yes, I know. Merely one post ago I was bemoaning the fact that I really don't like custard-filled anything. But I also said that I was growing into it. And these eclairs are like a gateway custard...they make all the hard-core custard easier to take.

Regardless of how much I may or may not be into custard, eclairs really aren't something that I would gravitate toward making anymore. There was that brief stint in high school when I made them often and earned a name for myself, but I haven't made them--haven't even thought of them--for years.

But after making those delectable BCP cupcakes in the previous post, I found myself faced with an inordinate amount of leftover vanilla custard. It is not in my DNA to waste sugar-laden goodness. So I knew I had to do something.

The good thing about eclairs is that when you're dealing with custard that's already been made, it's really pretty easy. But when making eclairs with leftover filling, it is wise to check the container of custard in the fridge to ensure that your husband hasn't been sneaking bites of it and whittling it away, resulting in the fact that you don't have as much custard as you thought you did and now you have a billion mini eclairs that don't have anything for the filler, and if you would have known that the custard would be just delicious on its own and people would eat it like pudding and that it wouldn't go to waste (but certainly to waist) if you didn't do anything else, but you had already started this whole shindig because you thought you had more than you did and you didn't want to waste anything, so now you have to come up with another filling to stuff all these billion empty little balls of pastry, and this is really just becoming quite frustrating and confusing, so you're going to stuff that offensive little smart-aleck eclair in your mouth to keep it from mocking you.... but that's a WHOLE different story.

Anyway, my original point was going to be something like, "Have leftover custard? Make mini eclairs!" So I'm going to stick with that.

Pastry
1 cup water
1 stick (8 tablespoons) unsalted butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1-1/2 teaspoons sugar
1 cup all purpose flour
3 eggs, plus 1 extra, if needed

Egg Wash
1 egg
1-1/2 teaspoons water

Chocolate Glaze
1/2 cup heavy cream
4 ounces chopped semi-sweet chocolate
1 tablespoon light corn syrup

Preheat oven to 425 degrees (if you have a convection oven, you can set it lower). Line a sheet pan with parchment paper or a silicone mat. In a medium saucepan, bring water, butter, salt, and sugar to a rolling boil on medium-high heat. Once it boils, immediately take the pan off the heat and add all the flour at once, stirring with a wooden spoon until fully incorporated, or about 30-60 seconds. Return to the heat and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Transfer the batter to a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or use a hand mixer with a large bowl. Mix at medium speed. With the mixer running, add eggs one egg at a time, scraping down the bowl after each addition. After the third egg, check to see if the dough is smooth and glossy and that the eggs are fully incorporated. When you lift the beaters or paddle out of the bowl, the batter should be thick but fall slowly and steadily from the beaters. If it is still clinging to the beaters, add the remaining egg and mix until incorporated.

You can use a pastry bag to pipe the eclairs, but I just used a plastic zip-top sandwich bag and snipped off a corner. Regardless of which you choose to do, pipe fat lengths of dough about 2 inches long onto the baking sheet, at least an inch apart.

Whisk the egg and water together for the egg wash and brush the surface of each eclair. If any of the eclairs have piping peaks or other deformities, use your fingers to smooth them out. Bake for 15 minutes at 425, then reduce heat to 375 and bake until the eclairs are puffed up and light golden brown, or approximately 25 minutes. Try not to open the oven door when baking. Let cool on the baking sheet.

Use pastry tip to poke a hole in one end of each eclair, or use your finger (I used my pinky to open the whole eclair). Using a pastry bag or a zip-top bag fitted with a medium plain tip (snip a corner off the bag, put the tip on the inside, and tape the bag around the tip--or, if worst comes to worst, just snip a corner off the bag), pipe the custard into the eclair gently, filling it but not stuffing it.

For the glaze, put the chocolate in a heat-safe bowl. In a small saucepan, heat the heavy cream and corn syrup over medium heat just until boiling. Pour the cream over the chocolate in the heat-safe bowl and whisk until it's completely melted and smooth. Let stand for approximately 5 minutes to thicken and cool slightly, and then dip the top of each eclair into the chocolate. Chill the eclairs uncovered in the refrigerator for at least one hour, or until the glaze is set. Serve chilled.

And if you just happen to find yourself in the same situation as me and you have half a million eclairs with no filling, but a bunch of leftover glaze and some whipping cream in the fridge, consider making a whipped chocolate cream filling by whipping 1/2 cup of whipping cream with a mixer until stiff, and then folding in some of the glaze to taste. Pipe into the eclairs (though I suppose now they're cream puffs, no?) just as you would with the custard.

Filling
For those of you who don't have any leftover custard, consider this custard from my BCP post, or, for a super-easy alternative, use instant vanilla pudding made to the "pie filling" directions. You can even add half a cup of cream cheese (at room temperature, with a mixer) to thicken it and make it less like pudding.

Recipe for pastry adapted just slightly from 'Butter Sugar Flour Eggs" by Gale Gand, Rick Tramonto, Julia Moskin; Clarkson N. Potter Publishers, 1999. Recipe for glaze slightly adapted from The Best of America's Test Kitchen Cookbook 2012.

Oh my, Boston Cream Pie!

Prepare yourselves for a shocker, folks. I have never had Boston Cream Pie. Never. The closest that I've ever come was some Boston Cream Pie (BCP)-flavored yogurt by Yoplait or someone when I was in high school. Not being much a fan of yogurt anyway, it didn't make enough of an impression to make me want the real thing.

To top that off, I've never been much a fan of custard or pastry cream-filled anything--which is sort of ironic, because I kind of established a name for myself with chocolate eclairs in high school. But I have found that over the past few years, I'm kind of growing into it. Plus, the hubby really likes custard-style stuff, so I suppose I can expand my repertoire.

Lots of what I have posted so far has been fancy stuff. I would say that 90% of my business, however, is not fancy stuff. It's a couple dozen strawberry cupcakes with sprinkles here, it's four dozen chocolate cupcakes with coffee frosting (and no sprinkles there), and the occasional fancy order thrown into the mix. And generally, if someone asks me if I can do something, I never say "no."

So when a woman who has ordered four or five things from me in two or three months asked if I could do BCP cupcakes for her daughter's birthday, of course I said yes. And then I combed the internet and my cookbooks to find a suitable starting point.

I found lots of semi-homemade recipes that started with yellow cake mix and vanilla pudding. But, having never had BCP, I didn't know if that would be "suitable," or if it would immediately expose me as a total fake. We all know that I have nothing against cake mixes, when used appropriately. But I also have equal affinity for absolutely-from-scratch recipes... so, in order not to label myself as a BCP Poseur, I went for the scratch method. The resulting cake is dense and moist, and the pastry cream is thick and custardy, and not very sweet. The glaze is rich, with a hint of sweetness. Put it all together, and it's very, very rich.

Consider yourself warned, folks. Unlike my other postings, this is very much an intermediate-level recipe. If it intrigues you and intimidates you at the same time, I'd highly recommend using the cake and glaze, but choosing a simpler (perhaps vanilla pudding-based) custard as a filler. Also realize that unless you start in the morning for an evening cake, this is NOT a same-day cake.

Boston Cream Pie Cupcakes
makes approx. 20-24 cupcakes

Pastry cream
(this is adapted from an actual BCP cake recipe, so you will have a LOT of pastry cream left over for other delightful uses, or you can double the cake recipe and still have enough cream)
2 cups half-and-half
6 large egg yolks (saving these egg whites is great for meringue)
1/2 cup (3.5 oz) sugar
Pinch salt
1/4 cup (1.25 oz) all-purpose flour
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into four pieces and chilled
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Heat half and half in medium-sized saucepan over medium heat until just simmering. Meanwhile, whisk yolks, sugar, and salt together until smooth. Add flour to yolk mixture and whisk until incorporated. Remove half and half from the heat. Whisking the egg mixture constantly, slowly add 1/2 cup of the hot half and half mixture to the eggs to temper. Once incorporated, add all of the egg mixture into the pan with the half and half, whisking constantly. Return the pan to medium heat and cook, whisking constantly, until slightly thickened, or about 1 minute. Reduce heat to medium-low and continue to simmer, whisking constantly, for 8 minutes. Note: this is when you go find your husband/child/friend and ask them for their help in the kitchen. Then you can walk away and come back 8 minutes later. Increase heat back to medium and cook, and bring your whisking speed up until you feel like you're going to whisk your little arms off, whisk-whisk-whisking away for 1 to 2 minutes, until bubbles burst on the surface. Remove from heat and whisk in butter and vanilla until incorporated. Strain the cream through a fine mesh strainer set over medium bowl. (If you don't have a fine mesh strainer, you may be able to use cheese cloth, or even skip this step--though you might have some clumps.) Press lightly greased parchment paper directly on the surface of the cream and refrigerate until set--at least two hours, but as many as 24.

Cake
1-1/2 cups (7.5 oz) all-purpose flour
1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup whole milk
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 large eggs
1-1/2 cups (10.5 oz) sugar

Make sure oven rack is in the middle position, and preheat oven to 325 degrees (if you have convection, you can set it lower). Line your muffin pan with baking cups. Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt together in bowl. In a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, whip the eggs and sugar together at high speed until light and airy, about 5 minutes.  While it's whipping, combine milk and butter in a small saucepan over low heat until the butter is melted. Remove from heat, add vanilla, and cover to keep warm (if your eggs aren't ready yet). When the eggs are light and fluffy, slow the whisk down to the lowest, slowest speed and slowly add hot milk mixture. Slowly and consistently add flour mixture to liquid mixture, mixing just until combined. Give the batter a few turns with a spatula to make sure everything is incorporated. Batter will be somewhat frothy and liquidy, a lot like pancake batter. Fill cupcake liners 2/3 to 3/4 full (I recommend using a 1/3 C measuring cup to scoop batter into liners). Bake 20-24 minutes or until light golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean, turning pans once during cooking (My oven is convection, and thus was set lower. I recommend keeping a close eye on your cakes. They may not need as much time, or, since all ovens vary, they may need more).

When cupcakes are 100% cooled, use a small serrated knife to core out a section of cupcake in the middle. Do whatever you want with the scraps (I recommend drizzling them with glaze in a bowl and giving them as a loving gift to your husband). Fill a plastic zip-top bag with the custard and snip off a corner. Pipe the cream into the cupcake until level with the top. Use an offset spatula or spoon to smooth cream level with top of cake. Set aside (refrigerate, if possible) while preparing the glaze.

Glaze
1/2 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped fine (I highly recommend a food processor for this step)


Bring cream and corn syrup to simmer in small saucepan over medium heat. Remove from heat and add chocolate. Whisk gently until smooth, or approximately 30 seconds. Let stand, whisking occasionally, until slightly thickened, or about 5 minutes. Spoon the glaze into the middle of each cupcake, and let spread slightly. Use offset spatula or spoon to bring it to the edge. Spoon more glaze to cover any bumps, crumbs, or unevenness.

If you want the pretty white stripes, melt 2/3 cup white chocolate chips, 2 teaspoons corn syrup, and 2 tablespoons heavy cream in a microwave-safe bowl in 15-second increments. Stir thoroughly with a fork until smooth. Using the same fork, scoop glaze out of bowl and over cupcakes placed on wax paper, using long, confident movements--beginning and ending off the cupcakes to avoid big splotches of white.

Chill for at least two hours before eating.

And hey, folks, if I find a good "fake" BCP recipe, maybe I'll share it later!

Enjoy!

Recipe adapted from The Best of America's Test Kitchen Cookbook, 2012.

Holy Grade School Graduation, Batman!

So, it's happened again. Another school year has passed. The wonders of technology allowed me to watch my oldest nephew's 8th grade graduation live via streaming on my iPhone. School buses are cruising by the house earlier than usual because of end-of-year early release days. And my friend again engaged my services to make cupcakes for her twins' class at school, each one reflecting a topic they'd discussed during the year.

She asked me to do this last year, when I was just cutting my teeth on the use of fondant. Though they came out well, the whole experience was basically a tragic saga of stupid mistakes. For those of you who missed it originally, you can read all about it here.

This year went so much easier. Like, you can't even compare the two experiences. I put a sign on the oven so that I would be forced to check it every time and not bake the decorations I was storing in there. My skills are a lot higher now. It was just so much easier to work with the fondant. No stress. No fuss. Hardly even a mess.

And for those that are curious, I used homemade marshmallow fondant and worked with it over the course of about three days to make these decorations. I made one batch of plain white fondant and then colored it as necessary. If you're looking for a good marshmallow fondant recipe to try for yourself, here's a good one. Some marshmallow fondant recipes out there suggest that you use shortening from the get-go when you knead it. After my own trial and error, I don't recommend that. However, if you're working with the fondant over the course of a day or even over a few days, it can get stiff and less pliable, regardless of how much plastic wrap you've smothered it in or how many zip locks you put around it. So what I do recommend is that if you get that stiffness, just grease your hands up with some shortening or even no-stick spray and work it in. It will get more supple.

If you're new to working with marshmallow fondant and need tips on coloring it or otherwise using it, drop me a comment and I'll help however I can.

Anyhoo, this brings me away from the purpose of the post. I had time to actually take quasi-decent photos of the cupcakes this time, so I figured I'd post all 15 of them for your viewing pleasure. Notice how none of the fondant is melted?

The cupcake is chocolate, with cream cheese frosting. Some of the designs were up for interpretation, some were specifically requested.

Apple on bale of straw for orchard visit.

Metro Card to commemorate NYC trip.

Wagon wheel for pioneer studies.

Brain for human anatomy.

Big Mouth Bass for Hudson River Study class trip. Should have painted the inside of his mouth pink so that it would make more of an impact.

Newton's Second Law of Motion: Force equals mass times acceleration.

The U.S. Constitution for American Studies.

The bell from Polar Express.

Salamanders from a field trip to a local pond.

Gold nugget and pick axe for Gold Rush Day.

Jupiter, Saturn, and Mars for Planetarium Trip (obviously not to scale, all you sciencey-folk out there, but did you see how I managed to get the "eye"--the atmospheric storm on Jupiter?)

Sneaker for Holes book.

Rat and cockroach as friends for Gregor the Overlander book.

Easter Island head for "Dum Dum Gum Gum" in Night at the Museum.

Beagle for Shiloh book.

Rod of Asclepius and kitty with bandage for trip to veterinary hospital. For those of you who thought the caduceus was the medical symbol (like me), you're wrong. Wikipedia told me so.